"i did not live until today"

so much to say. but i have no words to say it. today has been amazing. there are no words to describe the wonderfulness of today. it was such a complete, lovely day. full of love.

i love everything about this day. oh, that it would never end!

and it's not like i just loved the day as a whole, i loved every single thing that happened. every single wonderful thing. (although, there was a moment where i lamented about my lost teal jacket. it's been two years. 5 may was the anniversary.)

but - this day. wonderful. i screamed in excitement many times. I STILL cannot stop smiling. i bet out of this 24-hour day, i have smiled ear-to-ear for about 14 hours.

this is one for the history books. if i can find words, i will explain. promise.

until then - happy mother's day.



me and my gorgeous mother!!!! she's incredible and i love her so much.


<3

ps: song

check this out! it's Cobra Starship featuring Leighton Meester!!! a new song!

FIERCE.

ah HA!!!!

Hilary Duff thought no one would notice that she wore the same dress as Kate Winslet!!!!! well, apparently Hilary has never heard of ME.



Hilary shown here, wearing this dress in a mustard color. i think it's a poor color choice for her. this was from this past wednesday, i believe.



Kate shown here, at one of the premieres for The Reader. SAME DRESS, better color.


Hilary's dress is a bit shorter than Kate's, so she must have had it shortened. but, i've analyzed them quite thoroughly and it's the same dress.

YOU'RE WELCOME. i haven't seen anyone else on the internet point out this fashion revelation. you saw it here first.

talk to you later!!!!!

<3

tried and tired

WHOA LONG DAY. let's re-live it now, shall we?

(- first of all, i had another dream about work last night. and it was so realistic, it was scary. basic premise: all the girls got in trouble for something. but, it was the way that my boss spoke to them and the way the whole sitch was handled that was exactly like it would have been. like, exactly. it was scary. also, i need a day off please. ireland come soon.)
- up at 6:30
- to the daycare at 7:25
- back to the house by 8
- cell phone dramz. there WAS a cell phone! me and charlene confronted her in the living room. stuff went down. not really though. she was hiding it in her bra. she gave it to us. we did a room search anyways. didn't find anything else.
- back upstairs at 8:30
- back to bed because i was completely exhausted
- receive a text message at 9 - it was my coworker, the baby's mother, saying they wouldn't be here until 10:30, not 9:30 like planned
- oh, this was great news. it meant i got to sleep longer.
- sleeeeeeeeep
- up at 10:20
- baby doesn't come until 11
- she's so cute!
- i feed her her bottle. she was in a good mood.
- she starts falling asleep.
- i change her diaper. ah, much better.
- i rock her because she's yawning and trying to fight a nap. why would she want to fight a nap?? i didn't understand.
- so, i get her asleep. put her in the carseat, bring it into my bedroom, set it on the floor right next to my bed.
- julie takes a nap too. a mom nap.
- julie napped from 12:45-2:10. baby napped from 12:30-3.
- i kind of woke her up at 3 because i knew she'd be hungry. she was!
- she ate 3 ounces no problem.
- her mom came at 4. i was supposed to work at 3:30, but there was a situation downstairs and baby's mom needed to stay later, so, i ended up watching the baby until around 5. which was fine.
- went downstairs. nobody is there! well, there's one resident. we hang out with her baby.
- then everybody came back and we had supper together. cheeseburgers. from the government. thanks, gov.
- then, it was a super busy night. two of the girls just wanted to fight with everybody. fight and argue. there's been a lot of that lately. one of them wanted to fight with me. i didn't want to fight with her. she was still pretty rude to me, but apologized later. it was okay.
- courtney took two of the girls to kmart.
- then one thing right right right after the other. like, everytime the phone would ring me and courtney would just look at eachother like, "are you kidding me?!" it was totally insane for about 20 minutes.
- then finally peace and quiet. we finished up work. said goodnight.
- i'm upstairs for......maybe half an hour and then i get a phone call. (warning:: explicit language)

GIRL 1: Hi, um, GIRL 2 is puking and shitting her brains out.

great. just what i wanted to deal with. so, i go downstairs to make sure GIRL 2 is alright. she's not really, and is going to take a bath. weird, because she had been feeling fine all night. i really hope it's not the swine flu because if one girl gets it, we'll all get it. just like the stomach flu and every single cold.

anyways, i told GIRL 2 to call me again when she got out of the bath to let me know how she was feeling.

she called a bit later and said she was feeling a little better and was just going to try and sleep it off. i told her to call me if she needed anything. and i haven't heard from her, so i hope she's sleeping.

aw man those baby rock lullabyes just came on my iTunes playlist. i can't stay awake much longer. those things are deadly.

- after that, i watched Grey's Anatomy from last week. i was going to watch Lost. lately i feel like watching Lost is a chore. i just don't want to do it, but i feel like i have to. i'm just over it. but, i still have my whole theory on how it will end.
- Grey's was good. cried a lot. there was a story between two sisters and their names were Julie and Karen. i thought that was strange. and Julie was played by Lucy from ER!!!! the one who got stabbed with John Carter on Valentine's Day by the main guy's friend in 10 Things I Hate About You. not Heath Ledger, but the nerd kid who's in love with Alex Mack. the kid from Brick.
- after Grey's i did nothing. and now i'm talking to you and falling asleep. so, i'm going to bed now.

sorry this entry was kind of lame. it was more business than pleasure. anyways. i'll write a better one soon. friday i don't have anything planned. i am going to sleep a lot i think. and i'm very excited for it.

lovetoyou.

rockabye baby

i hate that song. Rockabye Baby. um, it's about a baby falling out of a tree. who wrote that and why is it supposed to be soothing??? hm. apparently 'Rockabye Baby' might have been the first poem written on American soil.

**update** i just heard a loud thud coming from downstairs. it sounded suspicious, so i went down to investigate. i found nothing "thud related" but did find something.......

so i'm walking through the hallway very cautiously in case there is an intruder. walk past one room, she's got her music blaring. another room, she's got Winnie the Pooh book on tape playing. and then....i hear another voice. i think to myself, "oh geeze, girls are having gossip time". so, i walk to where the voice is coming from. and something is not right. there is only one voice. and there is only one explanation:

CELL PHONE. we had suspected that one of the girls had a secret cell phone because she's been super tired during the days and blames it on her baby in the night. now, i said the other day during staff meeting that i had never heard her get up with the baby in the night. so then, why is she so tired? she's always in her room and obeys curfew. why? CELL PHONE.

so, i walked into her room and asked her if she was talking to anybody. she just happened to be awake. she said she wasn't talking to anyone. i said okay. i didn't want to get into it in the middle of the night, but oh - there will be tomorrow.

ah ha! if i bring it up early enough in the morning she'll have no time to get rid of it. this is how we operate.

anyways. the walk through the house was curious overall. something just didn't feel right about it. and there was no explanation for that thud.

******

so, i finished watching Empire Falls tonight. that HBO movie i had started. MAN. the second half took a turn for the dark side that i wasn't expecting. it left me in tears and shaking! yikes! it was good. heavy, but good.

i also had the little baby all day today. went pretty well. she was sleeping when i got her around 10:30. here was her routine all day: sleep, wake up, cry, not eat, sleep, wake up, cry, not eat, sleep, wake up, cry, not have a dirty diaper, sleep, wake up, eat, play, eat, sleep, wake up, cry.

and then her mother came for her. it was kind of a stressful day because it seemed that nothing could make her happy. except for a little playing on the floor. she liked it when Tigger would come in and kiss her face. i read her a book called, "What Do Bunnies Do All Day?" i saw this book in her toy bag and thought, "yeah! what do bunnies do all day?!?!" turns out, they ask their mothers for permission to go play by themselves, and then they hang out with some other animal friends, eat, take a nap in the sun, drink from the stream, and then go home to their mothers again. bunny mystery = SOLVED!

last night was a weird sleeping night. i think i went to bed around 2am. and then starting like, at 3am was waking up every 20 or so minutes thinking the worst. and in between all those times i was dreaming that i slept through my morning shift and nobody called me. and then i was sad because that meant that nobody needed me.

and i thought about it and decided, "well, yeah, the daycare workers have keys to unlock the door. they have the keys to the med cabinet so they can give out meds. i guess they don't really need me."

and this dream comes right after my post the other night where i said i wished i had a cat so someone would be happy to see me when i came home.

i guess i always get lonely in the springtime. i feel that this time is more though, because i have nobody.

and i've worked every single day since 23 february. only 16 more days to go and then i have 2.5 weeks off.

i just read my LJ from last year on May 7th, and Kerianne and i were sewing together the pieces of fabric for the Party on the Pav. i totally remember that night. and then we were having cinnamon rolls in the APL the next night. have there been any cinnamon roll nights this year? i bet not.

aw man i really miss the airport lounge. i just reread my last entry working there. (tearjerker)

so. today while i had the baby i wanted to listen to music, but couldn't decide what would be appropriate for a 7-week old. i thought - lullabye.

so i downloaded a bunch of those 'lullabye version of rock songs' for us to listen to. my favorite is Strawberry Fields Forever. i also really like Clocks (coldplay) and Sunday Bloody Sunday (u2). but, strawberry fields forever is my fave. also good is Karma Police by Radiohead. yeah, you should give them a listen. the baby seemed to like them too.

also, kara and i are in the midst of planning a road trip from Maine to Argentina. i had this idea a while ago. and kara totally shot it down. then, she's suddenly all interested in south america and is totally spearheading the road trip planning committee. these guys from maine did it recently and reading their blog is quite interesting. so, we're planning on making the trip after we both get our Canadian passports.

and i bought some iced raspberry mate today in honor of argentina. delish!

so thursday, today, i am have the baby from 9:30-3:30 and then i'm working rom 3:30-10. long day! friday i have nothing to do. saturday = big day. sunday = mother's day.

***
i decided........YES.
***

here was my reasoning: last year around this time i took a super huge risk. i won't go into it, but i certainly remember. (hampshire college......public safety.......) ok, so there, i just reminded us all. and, although this new risk is totally different and completely unrelated to that first risk, i think i will make it a tradition.

SPRINGTIME RISK. that's what i like to call it. oh geeze. this risk makes me feel the same sick as last year's Springtime Risk. like, butterflies.

but - it's done. i'm doing it. it will be good. i may never tell you what it is or was. but, maybe i will. i probably will. but only after it's done. i can't think about it until then. or actually, can't stop thinking about it. OVER. ENOUGH. DONE.

ok. i'm going to bed now. i'm extrememly tired. i think tomorrow i will nap when the baby naps. just like a mom. i should wear mom jeans and have the pizza rolls in the oven when the boys come home from soccer practice.

tonight starts my regular thursday shift with Courtney! we were talking about how awesome it will be. we're gonna rock.

OH. OMG. did anyone read/watch the CNN video about that girl who was killed in the car accident and then all her accident photos ended up online!?! and they're super gory and inappropriate. i watched this story and immediately started crying. i feel SO TERRIBLE for her parents that they have to go through all this. i absolutely cannot imagine. and then to read some of the things people are saying about her? such mean things. calling her awful and hateful things. how could people be so mean? i will never understand it.

alright. now to bed. i'm upset now. again. and still lonely.


dreams have but one owner at a time. that is why dreamers are lonely.
- erma bombeck

<3

how about some dessert???

mmm....delicious....

:)

nothing is happening

it's all illusion. it's all confusion.

quiet night. for once. the first night where i don't have to be a police officer. the girls heard tonight that if they don't start shaping up and respecting curfew they will lose their home weekends.

like last night, i found two girls hanging out in one of their bedrooms. i asked one to leave. she refused. she wouldn't even acknowledge i was standing there. i gave her like, 5 chances to leave the room. she kept refusing. whatever.

so. the baby was good for me. she slept until her mother came to pick her up at 6:30. tomorrow i have her from 10-5. i think i told you that already. i'm kind of nervous. just because we're not used to each other yet. she's a sweetie.

so, my favorite ten-month old little girl is here tonight, and i went to her bedroom to say goodnight and to make sure her mom had the baby monitor on, and this little girl - omg - she's the best. her mom was just holding her, and she just started laughing! like, seriously laughing with the biggest smile! and her mom gave her a little stuffed animal to hold and she just loved it!! laughing and smiling. oh, it was the best. she's got the greatest laugh.

too bad though, her mom has the radio playing in her room and it's this hard core rock music. like the kind with the screaming and the guys with scary painted faces. that's what i imagine at least. and i've got to sleep with that too. great. i'm sure i'll have nice dreams.

not like my Ghosts of Girlfriends Past dream on monday night.

i finished my work for my medication certification class!!! the last few worksheets were tougher than the rest. they gave you scenerios and you had to write what you would do.

for example:
1. what would you do if someone was refusing to take their medications?
2. what would you do if you suspected a teen was addicted to her controlled medication after having knee surgery?

good stuff. i didn't know that they have the right to refuse their meds. i learned that tonight.

went to walgreens tonight to buy more conditioner. they had completely moved the Burt's Bees section so i had to ask where it was. good story, eh?

so, i'm thinking i'll plan on walking to the mailbox after i get off work at 8am. i have Footloose waiting for me, but the window won't be open yet. um, that's lame. the window should be open.

THE POST OFFICE SHOULD BE OPEN LATER.

dear usps:

hire me! i'll work the late shift at the post office! say, 6pm until 9pm. that's it! you have to cater to the people who don't wake up until late afternoon/don't like to go out in the daytime.

love, julie

no, i wouldn't mind working in the post office. with all those nice people. there are two nice ladies and one nice man. and, if it was late like that, all the mail would be sorted. all i would have to do was window service. i bet they would do good business.

things for the post office to do:
1. hire night staff
2. reduce the rate of stamps to $0.00

that's all.

maybe i'll finish my curtain tomorrow when the baby is asleep. or, maybe i'll make some jewelery. or, watch a movie.

i bet the baby would like High School Musical 3. can't watch anything with bad language or violence. babies don't want to see or hear that. even if they can't understand it yet.

so, one of the girls asked me to read an essay they had written tonight. she is trying to get into this program called Job Corps next year. in Bangor, Maine. and she had written her applicant essay. i was happy she asked me to read it. i was actually really surprised with how well-written it was. i thought she did an excellent job. and she was very happy to hear that.

well. i think i'll head to bed soon. i decided today that there is nothing better than being in bed.

i also really wish i had a cat. i don't think i can live alone anymore. it's too sad. to come home and have nobody happy to see you.

i wouldn't get a cat before i got my allergies under control, though. i would definitely need something stronger. something not OTC. a prescription, controlled medication. (i'm using my new terms that i've learned) i also can't afford it right now.

i also wish i had a couch. i think it would make sitting down with a baby easier.

oh, i have a message for kara. KARA. today in staff meeting Randy was making a fruit salad for everybody, and he had some bananas and he peeled them from the bottom! just like you said is the right way. and he said his sister (i think) is a chef.

ok. i think that's all right now. i'm going to bed. have lovely wednesdays. week's half over.

<3

let's focus on tomorrow, instead of right now.

baby!!!

the most beautiful baby girl is sleeping in my living room right now. right next to me in her car seat. omg she is beautiful. she has the biggest brown eyes i've ever seen on a little baby. and really soft curly dark hair.

i'm going to start babysitting her a few days a week for a couple week. her mother is a co-worker of mine who is just coming back from maternity leave. and she didn't want to put her in daycare right away, so she has asked me. YES!

so today, i had her from 4:30 until 6:30. it was later because of staff meeting. tomorrow, i have her from 10 until 5. and then thursday from 9:30 until 3:30.

but, she's awesome. i love her.

last night was a fun one. i was busy with walk-thrus.

went to sleep around 2:45. up at 6:30. bed again at 7:45. up again at noon. and last night i had a 5 hour nap. yikes i've been sleeping a lot.

tonight i have to finish that medication class. i keep forgetting about it. my final two assignments are due on friday.

happy cinco de mayo.

last night i had a dream that i went to go see Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. and i liked it. and i'm not ashamed to admit it.

started watching the HBO movie Empire Falls last night. it takes place in Maine, and i think it was filmed in Maine also. so far it's pretty good. about this small textile town on the coast and the different families who run the town and founded the town and who have lived there for ever. and they kind of feud. Ed Harris. Philip Seymour Hoffman. Robin Wright Penn. Paul Newman. Helen Hunt. Aiden Quinn. other people who i recognize. Merideth's mother from Grey's Anatomy.

i just made toast with peanut butter and nutella. it was delish. Zac Efron puts nutella on his sandwich in 17 Again. i liked that part.

there was a huge bird in the tree right outside my window today. i think it was a crow. we have mutant crows around here. they are so big. anyways, it was sitting in the tree and i didn't like it. it looked like it was gathering information about me and was then going to report back to some evil, higher power.

baby is still sleeping. she's so tiny. i don't even think she weighs 7 pounds. her skin is so soft.

anybody seen the steamy clips from the new Robert Pattinson movie? i didn't know this movie was even being made. he plays Salvador Dali and some other guy plays Federico Garcia Lorca. yeah, i'll see it. i didn't even know their relationship existed. hott!

alright. off to wash a baby bottle. have lovely wednesdays!!!!!!! wait. i mean, tuesdays! have lovely tuesday nights!!! and then tomorrow, have a good wednesday!!!!

talk to you soooooon, friends.

<3

a choice

OK. i need your help with something. i need to make a decision. a make or break decision. a YES or a NO. i'm not telling you what it is, just know that i get all fluttery over it. here is some side info:

- i could end up regretting either decision
- a YES decision could be either major regret or majorly wonderful
- a NO decision would be plain old regret
- heart says yes
- mind says no
- there's also the fear. a YES decision also comes with a lot of fear.
- a NO decision is not scary at all
- YES means money
- NO means no money

and there you have it. help, por favor.

so, now i'm going to bed because i have to wake up early on monday and drive to Portsmouth, NH to go to court. i'm not posting my court outfit because i'm still not sure what i'm going to wear. i tried on about 100 outfits this evening and was never really satisfied. i'm possibly going to alter my first court outfit a little. the purple and yellow. we'll see.

it will be weird being so close to home, but not being home. and being "home" on work-related business. i miss home.

but, okay. i'm off to bed now, friends. have a lovely start to your week. first week in may. yikes!

"i can't believe a year went by so fast"

<3

happy working song

bored bored. i am bored. i am working and i am bored.
downstairs. downstairs. i am bored in the office downstairs.
loud. loud. babies are loud. babies are loud when they are sad.
food. food. girls cooking food. pork chops are on the menu tonight.
alone. alone. i am alone. the other staff is not here yet.

that pretty much sums it up. maybe andrew and i will record it next week. but, most likely no. so...yeah. everyone thought that Joan was supposed to be working with me tonight. but, it's 5pm and she's not here yet. hm. maybe i'll be alone tonight.

so, oh, i did end up working for courtney. that's okay. she's sick and i am not.

hm. possible trip to see papa and kara tomorrow. fun. fun. trips are fun.

it will be a long and slow night. we can't go anywhere because everyone got minuses last night. and (they don't know this yet) but i'm not giving them late curfew. they'll be mad and try to sneak it around me. but nope. not this night.

so, the swine flu has hit maine and massachusetts. my friend Alex who i work with told me she thought there were reported cases in new hampshire as well.

i read a cool and funny "status update" on facebook today that i thought i would share with you. here goes:

"just heard on the BBC that the best way to prevent getting swine flu is to not
smoke, eat healthy, exercise regularly and wear your seatbelt because not doing
those things have a 99 percent better chance of killing you"

i liked that.

any.ways. two girls are going home this weekend so it's pretty quiet.

well. i guess that's all. i'll probably be bored all night. working down here until 11. then overnight until 8am.

goal for tonight: nobody goes to the hospital. seems pretty reasonable, sure. we'll see how that goes.

ok. talk to you later!! enjoy your friday afternoon. stay classy.

(oh! i have to email kerianne back. i'll do that right now.)

<3!

another day another dollar

i feel like i recently used that as a blog subject. or, as a something subject. email, maybe.

anyways. another unexpected work day. i have worked a total of one thousand hours this week.

nah, probably not really.

but, i did work tonight 5:30-10pm. Courtney called out sick. i told my boss i could work tomorrow night too, if Courtney is still sick. and then i called Courtney and told her that. she's been sick lately, and i told her not to worry about coming in if she didn't feel good. she said she thought she'd be back, but i think she appreciated me calling.

anyways. it was such a busy night at work. man. there was a huge debate over "normal school versus charter school." i had to reign it in a bit. it was getting really loud.

and, there was no dinner. like, nobody cooked dinner tonight. so, that was strange. but, i walked into the kitchen when the toddler was eating her supper and we had a pretty nice conversation.

TODDLER: Hi Julie!
JULIE: Oh, hi!
TODDLER: Julie, I like your shirt.
JULIE: Hey, thanks!
TODDLER: I love that shirt.
JULIE: Thank you.
TODDLER: Julie, you happy?
JULIE: I am happy! Are you happy?
TODDLER: Yeah!
JULIE: Good! Did you have a good day at daycare?
TODDLER: We did the jumping game!
JULIE: You did!? Wow, that sounds like fun.
TODDLER: (to Diane, also in the kitchen) Di, I got a boo-boo on my finger.
DIANE: Oh no! Does it hurt?
TODDLER: Yeah. Julie, I got a boo-boo on my finger.
JULIE: I heard. I'm sorry to hear that.
TODDLER: Julie, you happy to see me?
JULIE: I am! I'm very happy to see you.

she is the sweetest. and there was another baby in the kitchen eating his supper and the toddler was just making him laugh and laugh and laugh and it was probably the cutest thing happening in the entire world. omg, they were just looking at each other and laughing! the other baby is 9 months and he just started making this laugh that is just so funny to hear. it's like, "HA HA HA HA." oh, he's so funny. and the toddler kept saying, "ooeeeooooeeeoooeeeoooeeeooo" and it would just make him laugh so hard, and then she would laugh so hard, and then everybody would start laughing. it was the greatest.

so, like i said, nobody cooked dinner tonight. so, i think the girls thought that meant there were no dinner chores to do. well, Emily (who i was working with) and i did not realize that nobody did their dinner chores until after 9pm. and i was doing their charts for the night and tallying up their sign-out time for tomorrow (based on behavior tonight) and then i needed to go out in the kitchen for something. and i walked into the kitchen and IT WAS A DISASTER ZONE. dishes piled up in the sink, a huge puddle of water on the floor, stuff spilled on the counters, a full dishwasher. it was disgusting.

so then, emily and i talked it over and decided that they all know that they're supposed to do these chores. so, i had to go back into all their behavior charts and give them minuses for chores. which they will all be pissed about. and none of them have phone on friday which they will be even more pissed about.

and we got a new computer for the staff office. our old one completely died this morning. and so we took a 'new, old one' from the other Julie's office and set it up in the staff office. it's nice.

it was nice working with Emily because she's graduating from college in 9 days and she probably won't be back for a while.

anyways.

so, i might be working friday night. but, i might not be. i guess i'll find out in the morning.

i'm tired. MAN. i slept sooo good last night. i went to bed around 2am and then woke up at 6:30 for work. and those hours in between were wonderful. just like, that really fulfilling sleep.

and then went back to bed around 9. and when my alarm went off at noon, i JUMPED out of bed and thought, "omg i'm late for work!" thinking it was 6:30 again. i do that so much! i hate it because i get so scared i'm going to be late and they won't get their meds, and the door won't be unlocked.

so. i think i will away to bed.

i might start my side job as babysitter next week!!!!!! yikes! for one of my coworkers! she adopted a little, little baby. the baby was born 7 weeks premature and she adopted her right after. when i first met the baby, she technically wasn't even supposed to be born. but man, she's beautiful.

yikes. that's scary.

okay. for bed now. i mean, to bed now.

hey - it's friday! happy may day! it's may! holy man. have a good start to the month!

<3

lucky susan

so, i think i have found a new celebrity crush. mr. tim robbins. i think he's super handsome and has got a very nice voice.

the reason i say this is because i just finished watching City of Ember. this is one of the series of movies released last summer that i thought they should make theme park rides out of. i decided to rent it because i had remembered thinking it looked good and pretty interesting.

it was very good! and very interesting!! i haven't read the book, which i'm sure explains much, much more. at times the movie felt rushed and jumpy. like, in the beginning and in the end. i definitely feel like there were parts in the movie they could have cut out and used the time for explanation purposes.

so, the movie is about this civilization that was built by "the builders" to last for 200 years, on a huge generator power, deep deep underground. so, finally after 200 years, the power starts to go out and people don't know what to do. but there's this whole code thing and instructions on how to get out of the city, if the 200 years have gone by. so, leave it to these two teenagers and a small child to be the first ones out. but, the ending sequence where they are following the map and unlocking the next clues on how to get out, is really quite exciting.

and i felt the music did a lot for the film. there were some long shots without any dialogue of some 'big moments' and i felt the music really added a lot.

and Tim Robbins plays the teenage boy's father, who was bff with the teenage girl's father when they were young. and they had tried to get out of the city once before, and the girl's father ended up dying.

Bill Murray is also in it. he's good and pretty comical/evil.

so, yeah. basically i just wanted to give a short review as well as mention the crush on Tim Robbins. he's a handsome guy. i think he's one of those guys who looks better with age.

Andrew visited today! we did some song writing and some recording. i had written what i thought were nonsense lyrics yesterday morning at 3:30am, and mysteriously there is one part of the lyrics that fit absolutely perfectly in with the music Andrew had written. so, we laid down the track. and as i was singing the lyrics over and over, i realized that it was kind of a beautiful song. even though i'm not quite sure what it means yet.

it's called The Blue. andrew says he thinks the lyrics are "highly personal" and that they "have a sort of lonely longing" to them.

so, i think it will be another good cd. we finished 2.5 songs total. by next week we've got to have all our lyrics written. so, i've got to get on my game. i also have to write another rap. i can't quite think of a hardcore-enough subject yet to rap on. perhaps suggestions? the first rap i wrote was about a baby bird. and the second was about outer space.

right now, i'm thinking 'springtime'. i've kind of been coming up with some good lines.

anyways. i'm just now listening to some of me and andrew's old stuff. ha, the cover of that Nick Lachey song we did. What's Left of Me. i actually think it came out awesome.

not sure about my thursday plan. possibly library. definitely sleep.

tonight was rough. i was downstairs checking in with Cheryl. man, i just can't even explain how ridiculous some of this stuff is. so much lying and manipulation it drives me insane.

i vacuumed my rug this morning and it looks so awesome. i had to clean for andrew. i also used my new bathroom cleaner. it's the Green Leaf and Mandarin that Seventh Generation puts out. it smells so leafy and foresty! i wasn't going to buy a bathroom cleaner at all. i was just going to use the all-purpose cleaner for the tub and sink.

but my effing sink gets so gross like, the second after it's clean. seriously. it gets all grimy and disgusting. so, i figured maybe i need to actually buy a bathroom cleaner to clean it. it seems like a pretty normal sink. porcelin, or something. and old-timey sink. the hot and cold water come out of separate faucets.

anyways. enough of the grossness.

hm, okay. i think bedtime is near. gotta do a walk-through first, though. i have a very strong feeling there will be a conflict in the morning. actually, i'm pretty sure there will be. and i need to be ready and FIRM.

as the weather is becoming warmer i also have to be the 'appropriate clothing' police in the morning.

perhaps i'll fix my curtain tomorrow. add on the extra fabric to the bottom again. even though it's too short right now, i'm so freaking proud of it. i'll take pictures when it's complete.

OK! love you. have a great end of the week. any fun plans for the weekend?? me? no. probably being lonely. and maybe lazy.

goodnight friends.

<3

break through the mold

zac is so good at jumping off of things. i guess that's what people do when they're emotionally tortured.


i finished my medication homework for tonight! it was really interesting and informative. i like learning about all the different types of medicine, different ways to take them, proper storage and documentation. it went by really fast. i was almost going to do the work for next week, but then decided to watch High School Musical instead. a logical and natural evolution to the evening.

and i made a picture and hung it above my tv. this time it was from a shirt that said, 'let the sun shine'. i think i told you about it. i hung it by the windows where the sun shines in, duh.

now it's pretty cold in here. i've had that fan on all night and it's quite chilly. i like it. it feels nice. i might leave it on all night because i forgot how much i love having some sort of noise on constantly.

also, i forgot how annoying Gabriella is. and her little giggle. all she does is giggle and pout. and wear short little sundresses.

also, who knew Troy's best friend's name is Chad?? since when did that happen?? i didn't remember that at all. they kept saying his name and i was like, "who the heck is chad??" and all i could think of is CHaD, the Children's Hospital at Dartmouth. probably because i've lived in the hospital for the past two days. is that really his name?

did i ever show you pictures of the totes brillz Halloween costume i made for kara this past year?? i need to get those pictures. i hope she has them.

but, it was right after we saw HSM3 in the theaters and it was right before Halloween, and she was like, "if you make me a Troy costume, i'll wear it." so - I WAS ON IT. like white on rice.

bought red shirt, red gym shorts, white felt. spent hours drawing letters that spelt out WILDCAT. and BOLTON. and 14. hot glued them onto the shirt. it took allllll night. and she needed it done in one night because she was going back to school the next day. it came out AWESOME. like, i felt like a mom. and i rocked it.

did she wear it? no. i think i've seen her wearing the shirt sometimes to bed. ah well. but, the costume RULED.

wait a sec - now the events of that night are coming back to me.... i think i felt so inspired by the costume, i might have taken pictures of it with a magazine page pictures of Zac himself. did that happen? now i'm kind of thinking it did. yeah, i've got to get those pictures so i can show you.

anyways. i've got to get to bed so i can wake up for work. i can feel a power struggle with one of the girls happening in the morning. i have a feeling it will happen. i need my rest so i can be strong and firm.

ALRIGHT. sleep well friends. have lovely mid-week adventures. talk to you soon!!!!!!


<3!

extraction distraction

so, i forgot to mention the best part about last night!

i called my boss, Charlene, when i was on my way home, because she stayed at the house while i stayed at the hospital. and so, i called her at quarter to 2am and she said, "so, why don't i just finish the overnight, and since i'll be down here in the morning, you don't have to come down." NICE. so, i got to sleep in. and she said we would work on figuring out hours and everything later because she didn't want me to lose any time.

WHICH WOULD SUCK. because the overnight time is different than the day time. i really hope i don't have to use personal time because i was working until 2am.

anyways. so, went to bed at 3am. cell phone woke me up at 11:30.

"Julie, do you want to work this afternoon until around 4:30?"

i said yes. they just needed someone to bring a resident to her doctor's appointment and stay there with her. oh, and pick up another resident at the hospital and bring her home. ok, fine.

so, staff meeting was pushed back until 1 today. and we didn't really start talking about anything until 2. so, then i had to leave at 2:15.

here was the plan:

- bring GIRL 1 to her doctor's appointment
- drop her off and go pick up GIRL 2
- bring GIRL 2 back to the house
- go back to the hospital for GIRL 1's appointment

the appointment was at 3 and the scheduled pick up was at 2:30. nothing happened on time.

- i dropped GIRL 1 off at the appointment at 2:30
- picked up GIRL 2 just after, but of course they weren't ready and she still had an IV in and everything.
- leave the hospital at 3
- at the house by 3:15 (every red light. so much traffic)
- back at the hospital for 3:35

so, i felt really bad being a half hour late for her appointment. and so, i go to check in and tell them i'm here and they're like, "oh yeah! she's in a class right now."

and that's when i realized i had absolutely no idea what this appointment was for.

it was for her wisdom teeth! i walked into this class of kids and their parents and the doctor was explaining the wisdom teeth extraction procedure. it was funny.

and then after his presentation there was another presentation by the nurse. it was like,

soft, cold foods!
no sports for two weeks!
no mouthwash!
ice for ten minutes!
take your prescribed medication!

the whole thing seemed kind of lame. it just totally felt like a way for the doctors to make it a more personal experience or something. but like, a staged one. not a real one.

and then they individually went over each child's chart with them and their parents. they all thought i was "the mom." not sure how i feel about that. this girl is 16. i'm 23. really?

i had to sign a consent form saying that i was going to get GIRL 1 have her wisdom teeth out. and the LNA got pretty mad at me because i turned around and asked GIRL 1 if she wanted me to say 'no' or 'yes' in case of the need for blood transfusion.

LNA: No! She's only 16, she can't consent to anything! YOU need to decide, that's why I asked you if you could sign consent forms. Well can you?!?!
JULIE: Yes!

that just irked me. and then, she got mad at me again because i was taking too long to read the form. or, i WAS reading the form. i think she thought i was just there to sign things. OH NO.

LNA: Ok, just sign the bottom of this.
JULIE: Alright.
LNA: (walks away, then comes back.) Ok, just sign there.
JULIE: I know, I'm still reading.
LNA: (sits down in a huff)

seriously, she was in a huff. and then! she was upset that she had to fill out the "hannah house medical follow-up form," which we need to bring to every appointment. it was like, "you wanted me to sign all your forms, now you can sign mine!"

yeah, what a great personal experience. thanks, Dartmouth Hitchcock.

but! the lady that saved the whole day. Karen. the appointment setter/wisdom teeth secretary. she was GREAT.

we walk in,

KAREN: (in a thick long island accent) Hello hello! Come in, please. Alright, we're here now to set your appointment...(looks out the door at another lady) OH! IT WAS YESTERDAY!!
OTHER LADY: Haha! No, ours is on Saturday. We're all going to celebrate.
KAREN: Ok, count me in. (back to us) Everyone's just havin a birthday around here, you gotta celebrate the secretaries birthday's too, ya know. Ok, so when would you like to have your wisdom teeth out?
GIRL 1: As soon as possible.
KAREN: Ok. Please, sit down! Take a chair, pull up a chair, relax a little!! Ok, as soon as possible. Geeze, you've got beautiful lips. Doesn't she just have beautiful lips? Oh, you look so much like my neice. Paige. Oh, I love her but she's a little devil. A little disaster, that one. Not that I'm sayin you're a devil. Although, maybe you are, I don't know.

oh, she was great. i immediately wanted to be her best friend.

so after that, i dropped her off at school and went home. checked in downstairs for a while. there was lots of gossip. so much drama.

so then, i went to the upstairs office to check in with Diane. actually, i wanted to see Julie. the other Julie. to talk to her about the girl who was admitted to the hospital last night. but, Julie was already on her way to the hospital.

so, Diane called her cell phone for me and i talked to her. i just needed to know if she still needed me to bring up the list of things she needed. Julie thought no, because she had already brought things up this morning and then was bringing more then.

but, we actually talked for a while on the phone. i really like Julie. she had worked one-on-one for a while with (we'll call her GIRL 3) before she came to live here. so, they are really close. and Julie told me that when she went to see GIRL 3 this morning at the hospital, GIRL 3 told her how nice it was to have me there with her last night and how she was really happy we were able to have a conversation without me getting mad at her, or getting her in trouble. which has been most of her conversations with some other staff here.

and she told Julie that she thought "the two Julie's and Sue" were the only people there who liked and supported her. so, that felt really nice to hear.

and that's actually why i decided that i didn't mind taking her to the hospital last night. i knew how i would be with her, but i didn't know how another staff would. i knew that she liked me more than the other staff who would have brought her up, had i said no. so, i'm glad i made the right decision.

and then, Julie told me the best part. she said to me,

"it sounds like you really made a difference in her life last night."

wow, that was pretty much like the best thing to hear, ever. it actually made me a bit teary. that's like - the ultimate. ya know? like the thing that is above all things. making a difference. having it really mean something to another person, especially when they need someone to support them.

so, i felt really good after that. i still feel really good.

and then! i was telling Diane how hott it was upstairs and she was like, "here! borrow this window fan!!" yes! so, i got that going. i had to use the extension cord from my chandelier because there are no outlets in my bedroom. well, none near windows.

anyways. so, 6pm i finally got back upstairs.

oh, also, last night in the hospital, me and GIRL 3 were talking about her baby girl. the 10-month old who is so smart and beautiful. and she said,

GIRL 3: Whenever I hand her to you, your whole face just lights up!
JULIE: I love her!! She's the greatest baby.

so, that made me happy too. and also a little embarrassed. ha. oh, i love that baby.

alright. well tonight, i have a busy schedule. i have to do homework for my medications class. i was going to do it last night, and the night before. but, i ended up working. so, lots of reading.

also the bed bug guy came back today to reinspect. he did another treatment because he found one alive in the infected bedroom. so, that's just great. i haven't seen anymore up here.

also, tonight i got a phone call from Aer Lingus. the airline we're flying to Ireland. she said the flight times have changed and we're now also stopping over in Shannon. i said that was fine. thanks, bridget.

ok friends. i hope you are having a good day. again, too hott. one "bank sign temperature" display said it was 92 degrees. it was quite warm. i hate it.

andrew is coming to visit tomorrow. we're going to start work on a new cd. lyric writing and recording, i think. should be fun and exciting as always! i like making cds.

alright. hope your night is well. stay cool, san diego. i'll talk to you later.

<3,
.Jacuzzi.Jacuzzi.

the rundown

for your records and mine, here's a rundown of my work schedule the past two days:

SUNDAY:
work 1-10:30
overnight 10:30p - 8a

MONDAY:
work 8a - 2p
(off from 2 - 7:30)
work 7:30p - 2am

man. nonstop. it has been so crazy crazy busy here it's unbelievable. like, i feel so exhausted. physically and mentally.

monday was kind of a surprise work day. i didn't sign up to work until sunday evening.

so, i wake up at 6:20 monday morning to get ready for work. 6:45 downstairs for school. that went fine.

played with the toddler from 7-7:30. snake book. oh, we found that snake. then, i drove her to daycare and dropped her off. no hug goodbye. she saw her friends and ran off. such a little heartbreaker. i was like, "wait!!!! bye!!!!"

then, back to the house just in time for the huge delivery truck to pull in. just my effing luck. he only had four boxes for us today, which was nice. only one was really heavy. actually, no, they are all so freaking heavy. especially at 8am.

after that, i covered the house until around 10am. man, it was busy. a lot of phone calls. and i had to make a trip up to the hospital and i kept starting to leave and then something would make me stay.

so finally, i decided that now there wasn't enough time to go to the hospital before the WIC appointment. so, i would just bring all the stuff i needed and go after.

so, get the baby ready, put her in the car, and me and her mom go pick up another mom at the high school. we drive into "old west lebanon" to the church on maple street for the appointment. all very nice ladies working. i had never done a WIC appointment before, so it was a good experience.

after that, we made a trip to normal west lebanon to go to Wendy's. one of the girls was missing lunch at school. so, they got delicious food and we were off. back to the school to drop her off. back to the house to drop off the other mom and cutest baby in the world.

and then i could finally make my trip to the hospital. by this time it was noon. they had the hospital grounds patroled with guards handing out information about Swine Flu. ugh gross.

did my hospital business. totally rocked figuring out where to go.

back to the house by 1ish. sat in on meetings until 2 and then i left.

upstairs. ate some cookies. took a nap. did my timesheet. had to make some work phone calls. then, just after 7 i went downstairs to turn in my timesheet. checked in with my boss a little.

ended up volunteering to take someone to the emergency room. (we all know i don't mind waiting)

so, i had to go pick her up at the place where she was, and then we left. back to the hospital. we didn't have to wait long at all. which, for once, was too bad because the entire Dartmouth Varsity Rugby team was there!!!!!! oh, that was a sight for sore eyes. heck, if i were sick or bleeding in that ER, seeing those boys would have made me feel better. they were handsome.

apparently one of their team mates cracked a few ribs and they all came to visit. even the coach was there! it was great! they were like a family.

anyways, so then we were called in. they took us to a room off of the most horrible hallway ever. there was one guy whose hand had just gone numb, one guy with a knee injury, and this girl.

THIS GIRL. she was playing volleyball and somehow fell, hurting her knee and ankle. she was SOBBING the entire time she was there. omg it was awful. and she was yelling and swearing and refusing to practice her crutches. she had sprained her ankle, twisted her knee and had a tiny cut on her leg. but man, you would have thought her whole leg had fallen off. SOBBING. oh, it was misery.

and so, we were in this little room for a while. probably from 8:15p - 12:30a. then, we were moved to a room upstairs because they were admitting her.

actually, the room might have been downstairs. it definitely was downstairs because when i took the elevator to leave, i had to go up. but yet, when we were on that floor, we were high up. that hospital doesn't make any sense. i hate it. it's too big and too confusing. and clearly it is full of space and time warps, as i have experienced before.

so, i stayed with her until she was all set in her room. i finally left at 1:40am. got directions from the nurses to the ER parking lot. omg. which was horrible. because they were like,

NURSES: Drive safely! There are deer in the parking lots at nighttime!

OMG. i was horrified. DEER. luckily i didn't see any when i was leaving. i would have freaked.

anyways. so now i'm super tired. i didn't want to go to bed without saying goodnight. and updating.

tomorrow is staff meeting. i have to go down a little earlier to get some things ready so someone can bring them to the girl in the hospital.

k. i need to go to bed. i'll talk to you again later. goodnight. goodbye. sleep well. have good days. don't get that flu.


<3