rockabye baby

i hate that song. Rockabye Baby. um, it's about a baby falling out of a tree. who wrote that and why is it supposed to be soothing??? hm. apparently 'Rockabye Baby' might have been the first poem written on American soil.

**update** i just heard a loud thud coming from downstairs. it sounded suspicious, so i went down to investigate. i found nothing "thud related" but did find something.......

so i'm walking through the hallway very cautiously in case there is an intruder. walk past one room, she's got her music blaring. another room, she's got Winnie the Pooh book on tape playing. and then....i hear another voice. i think to myself, "oh geeze, girls are having gossip time". so, i walk to where the voice is coming from. and something is not right. there is only one voice. and there is only one explanation:

CELL PHONE. we had suspected that one of the girls had a secret cell phone because she's been super tired during the days and blames it on her baby in the night. now, i said the other day during staff meeting that i had never heard her get up with the baby in the night. so then, why is she so tired? she's always in her room and obeys curfew. why? CELL PHONE.

so, i walked into her room and asked her if she was talking to anybody. she just happened to be awake. she said she wasn't talking to anyone. i said okay. i didn't want to get into it in the middle of the night, but oh - there will be tomorrow.

ah ha! if i bring it up early enough in the morning she'll have no time to get rid of it. this is how we operate.

anyways. the walk through the house was curious overall. something just didn't feel right about it. and there was no explanation for that thud.

******

so, i finished watching Empire Falls tonight. that HBO movie i had started. MAN. the second half took a turn for the dark side that i wasn't expecting. it left me in tears and shaking! yikes! it was good. heavy, but good.

i also had the little baby all day today. went pretty well. she was sleeping when i got her around 10:30. here was her routine all day: sleep, wake up, cry, not eat, sleep, wake up, cry, not eat, sleep, wake up, cry, not have a dirty diaper, sleep, wake up, eat, play, eat, sleep, wake up, cry.

and then her mother came for her. it was kind of a stressful day because it seemed that nothing could make her happy. except for a little playing on the floor. she liked it when Tigger would come in and kiss her face. i read her a book called, "What Do Bunnies Do All Day?" i saw this book in her toy bag and thought, "yeah! what do bunnies do all day?!?!" turns out, they ask their mothers for permission to go play by themselves, and then they hang out with some other animal friends, eat, take a nap in the sun, drink from the stream, and then go home to their mothers again. bunny mystery = SOLVED!

last night was a weird sleeping night. i think i went to bed around 2am. and then starting like, at 3am was waking up every 20 or so minutes thinking the worst. and in between all those times i was dreaming that i slept through my morning shift and nobody called me. and then i was sad because that meant that nobody needed me.

and i thought about it and decided, "well, yeah, the daycare workers have keys to unlock the door. they have the keys to the med cabinet so they can give out meds. i guess they don't really need me."

and this dream comes right after my post the other night where i said i wished i had a cat so someone would be happy to see me when i came home.

i guess i always get lonely in the springtime. i feel that this time is more though, because i have nobody.

and i've worked every single day since 23 february. only 16 more days to go and then i have 2.5 weeks off.

i just read my LJ from last year on May 7th, and Kerianne and i were sewing together the pieces of fabric for the Party on the Pav. i totally remember that night. and then we were having cinnamon rolls in the APL the next night. have there been any cinnamon roll nights this year? i bet not.

aw man i really miss the airport lounge. i just reread my last entry working there. (tearjerker)

so. today while i had the baby i wanted to listen to music, but couldn't decide what would be appropriate for a 7-week old. i thought - lullabye.

so i downloaded a bunch of those 'lullabye version of rock songs' for us to listen to. my favorite is Strawberry Fields Forever. i also really like Clocks (coldplay) and Sunday Bloody Sunday (u2). but, strawberry fields forever is my fave. also good is Karma Police by Radiohead. yeah, you should give them a listen. the baby seemed to like them too.

also, kara and i are in the midst of planning a road trip from Maine to Argentina. i had this idea a while ago. and kara totally shot it down. then, she's suddenly all interested in south america and is totally spearheading the road trip planning committee. these guys from maine did it recently and reading their blog is quite interesting. so, we're planning on making the trip after we both get our Canadian passports.

and i bought some iced raspberry mate today in honor of argentina. delish!

so thursday, today, i am have the baby from 9:30-3:30 and then i'm working rom 3:30-10. long day! friday i have nothing to do. saturday = big day. sunday = mother's day.

***
i decided........YES.
***

here was my reasoning: last year around this time i took a super huge risk. i won't go into it, but i certainly remember. (hampshire college......public safety.......) ok, so there, i just reminded us all. and, although this new risk is totally different and completely unrelated to that first risk, i think i will make it a tradition.

SPRINGTIME RISK. that's what i like to call it. oh geeze. this risk makes me feel the same sick as last year's Springtime Risk. like, butterflies.

but - it's done. i'm doing it. it will be good. i may never tell you what it is or was. but, maybe i will. i probably will. but only after it's done. i can't think about it until then. or actually, can't stop thinking about it. OVER. ENOUGH. DONE.

ok. i'm going to bed now. i'm extrememly tired. i think tomorrow i will nap when the baby naps. just like a mom. i should wear mom jeans and have the pizza rolls in the oven when the boys come home from soccer practice.

tonight starts my regular thursday shift with Courtney! we were talking about how awesome it will be. we're gonna rock.

OH. OMG. did anyone read/watch the CNN video about that girl who was killed in the car accident and then all her accident photos ended up online!?! and they're super gory and inappropriate. i watched this story and immediately started crying. i feel SO TERRIBLE for her parents that they have to go through all this. i absolutely cannot imagine. and then to read some of the things people are saying about her? such mean things. calling her awful and hateful things. how could people be so mean? i will never understand it.

alright. now to bed. i'm upset now. again. and still lonely.


dreams have but one owner at a time. that is why dreamers are lonely.
- erma bombeck

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