"i'm not good with anger, i go straight to depression."

i'm blogging it out. blog it out. blog it out. blog it out.

and breathe.

i know i am overtired. but i am not tired right now, and therefore cannot sleep. i almost just let this get the better of me.

it was between screaming and throwing my computer against a wall, or crying.

but i took control and blogged it out instead.

ALL i wanted to do in the little non-work time that i have today, was to watch Jim and Pam get married on The Office. that's all. a simple task, you may think. well not for my horrible, awful computer that never works.

ooooooooblogitoutooooooooo

NO. i will not break down over this. NOT over Jim and Pam. and their total cuteness.

i just wanted to relax and watch The Office. after working alllll day. a small inbetween work time that i have. i just wanted to watch them get married. but no. it's just too much for my little computer to take. i refreshed the page. i closed and opened firefox. twice. i restarted the computer. refreshed the page again. and it just cannot catch up with itself.

AND! the thing that DOES freaking work on NBC.com is the advertisement for Cotton with Zooey Deschanel. UGH. she's all cute and beautiful with her hair and her big eyes and her teal high heels and her awesome hipster vintage clothes. LAME. UGH I HATE HER BUT I'M SO JEALOUS.

ok i'm calm now.

let's think of it this way! it's currently 1:50am on sunday morning. from 2am sunday morning until 8am monday morning, i have 22.5 more hours of responsibility until i have a day off.

day off will probably = go to the post office. get disc of Jonas. watch said disc all day, on the couch, in my pajamas.


the other night i had a dream that i woke up and everything was covered in snow. it was really pretty.

i guess all this working has an upside. because the more hours i work, the closer i am to saving money to buy a new laptop, the closer i will be to watching Jim and Pam get married.

i'll probably watch it sooner than that. because no matter how much money i save, it will still probably take me months and months to get a new laptop.

WOW. i just complained a lot about my life in this entry. i am sorry. there are lots of people working in this world with jobs that suck way, way worse than my job, which tonight, consisted of rocking babies to sleep, feeding babies supper and making them laugh, and rocking babies to sleep some more.

i really shouldn't complain at all.

i should go to bed soon so that i can maybe wake up a bit earlier. if i wake up earlier, and sit down and have breakfast with myself, it feels like i have some time off. whereas this past week i have been waking up and immediately going to work.

tonight, Ruby Tuesday sneezed twice and they were the funniest sneezes ever. they were huge! she like, lifted up her head, opened her mouth, and then sneezed really big. twice in a row!!! i said, "oh my goodness god bless you!!!!"

it was very cute. it's also very cute when babies sneeze. this newborn baby has been sneezing a lot this week.

it's so weird for me to think about being a newborn baby. like, being born must be the most horrible thing to experience. it's probably a great thing that we can't remember it. it's all dark and warm and then suddenly it's so bright and there are all these people fussing over you and you have to do things like cry and sneeze, which you've never done before. and burp. and wake up every couple hours to eat. and have your diaper changed.

it's probably the most things we will ever experience in such a short amount of time.

this new baby is so handsome. and today he really started opening his eyes for long amounts of time. and i was rocking him tonight and he was just looking at me. he's so cute. he does this thing sometime where he'll just open up one eye. it's funny.

also tonight at work, i was feeding supper to the 18 month and 7 month old sisters (yes, both of them, at once!) and the 7 month old was getting cranky because she was so tired and she hasn't been feeling well this week. and her big sister started making this silly noise that just got her laughing and laughing. and then she tried to do it too! oh my god it was like the best thing ever. they are so cute with each other it's ridiculous. and then they were both just looking at each other and laughing. and then the 7 month old started crying again.

and also tonight at work, we were all sitting in the living room watching Elmopalooza and the 18 month old came over to me with a book again and stood in front of me and said, "sit on lap, please?" yeah. it's the best. but then she couldn't decide whether to read the book, or to watch Elmo.

it's a pretty good movie. i can't even tell you how many times i have seen Elmopalooza. probably 50 times in a year. Elmo is hosting this big celeb-filled event which Jon Stewart is hosting. but then! something goes wrong and Jon Stewart gets locked in his dressing room, along with the locksmith!!! (why there is a locksmith at Elmopalooza, i do not know.) so, he can't get out!

and David Alan Grier is the stage manager and he starts freaking out! and they have to find a way to keep the people happy while Jon is locked in the dressing room. so, they perform all these big musical numbers featuring En Vogue, Shawn Colvin, Jimmy Buffet, Rosie O'Donnell and Gloria Estefan.

but then!!! Elmo gets sad for some reason which is escaping me, and the only thing that will cheer him up is the song 'One Small Voice' by Kenny Loggins. BUT!!! the tape is also locked in the dressing room!!!!

SO!!!! in an 'edge of your seat' moment, Oscar the grouch gets out his pet worm and Burt pulls out a pepper shaker from his pants (questionable, i know) and Oscar makes the worm sneeze by sprinkling pepper on him. and the power of the worm's sneeze blows down the door.

and they are able to play One Small Voice and Elmo is happy yet again.

i mean, the whole film just screams OSCAR! and i mean the Academy Awards, NOT the grouch.

it's actally pretty funny, because Oscar the Grouch says,

OSCAR: Ok, does anyone have any pepper?
BURT: (pulls out the pepper shaker from his pants. everyone looks at him.) What? Nobody else carries around their own seasoning?

oh, burt. and YES, i just quoted Elmopalooza in this blog. if you thought the JoBros quotes were bad....

this was actually the second Elmo movie we watched tonight. we also watched Elmo in Grouchland. which has the classic song, 'C is for Cookie.' (that's good enough for me!)

yeah. i can't stand going to work. babies sit on my lap and we watch Elmo movies.

alright. i guess. 2:27am. i think i did a pretty good job of blogging it out. i feel better now. i'm going to go to bed.

at least Elmo is better than Winnie the Pooh. i do not care for that gang at all. i'm sorry if i offend any of you Pooh fans. i have never liked them. they are all creepers. why is a bear, a pig, and a donkey hanging out together in the first place? it just doesn't make any sense. and all their voices sound like old men. that is really creepy.

ok. 2:32am. i'm listening to Hanson right now. i can't go to bed now! i can't shut off the Hanson!!! Hanson was in Boston this past Wednesday. YEAH. I KNOW. they played the House of Blues. Taylor had the flu, but he still performed. trooper! Zac's birthday is coming up at the end of this month. i actually think he might have the same birthday as Matilda Ledger. she is turning 4. he is turning 24.

i took some very scientific online quizzes the other night. the first scientific quiz i took was called, "Which Jonas Brother Will You Marry?" turns out, i will marry Kevin. the one who is already engaged. engaged to who, you ask? um, definitely not me. so, that was depressing.

the second scientific quiz i took was called, "Which Jonas Brother's Song Are You?" now, at first i was a little confused, because, how can you be a song? but, i figured i would try it out. the strange workings of the quiz told me that i was the song, 'Hello Beautiful.' hey - it's science. i swear i did not rig the quiz. i had no cheats. SCIENCE. so, then i was happy because the Jonas Brothers told me i was beautiful.

so, yeah. 2:42am. i have to be up at 4am. i should go to bed now. last night i had to FORCE myself to go to bed.

i just hate going to bed and knowing that i have to wake up in an hour! but, i can't just stay awake because then i will be too tired for work!! UGH! i wish i could just stay awake until 8am. and then NOT have to work during the day. that schedule would work much better for me.

anyways. ok. JULIE GO TO BED.

ok. have a great sunday. you know what they say, sunday = funday. i am going to wake up semi-early. make coffee. have a nice breakfast. relax with Miss Tuesday. i will be calm and energized and ready to go take on three teenagers and three babies.

love to you. thanks for listening to me complain and then talk about totally random things. you are the best. for realz.


Tonight I'm gonna fly
Cause I could comb across the world
And see everything and never be satisfied
If I couldnt see those eyes
Hello Beautiful

(this is the song they wrote for me!!!)


<3

aimless conversations about the better days

so, again, i will start off with an apology for not blogging more frequently after the internet returned.  i am so tired.  my eyes have been burning for the past two days.  i've been using my eye drops  A LOT, which i am afraid will make me go blind, or something because you're only supposed to use them twice a day.  every 12 hours.  but today i used them twice in like, fifteen minutes.  

anyways.  i'm blogging from work right now.  i'm downstairs in the staff office.  i'm kind of mad that i'm working right now.  just because there is another staff here working until 5 because there are volunteers painting bedrooms today.  and i thought that staff member would leave once i came in.  but, now we're both here.  and i have nothing to do because there is only 1 resident here right now.  and no babies.  so, i'm just like, "why am i here right now?  i could have come in at 3:30 and it would have been fine."  

i'm especially mad because i'm so tired, i guess.  

thursday night i was up 6 times during the night.  4 times with the new baby and 2 times for the other resident with the two baby girls.  

friday i had a day off.  i slept from 2:30am to 4am.  5am to 7am.  8am to 11am.  then i went to the post office.  came back home.  slept from 11:45am until 4pm.  

woke up at 4.  thought, "good thing i went to the post office earlier."  got up.  had cereal.  watched 30 Rock online.  Tina and Alec were just what i needed.

then i went to the grocery store to do the errands that i said i would do all week, and then ended up being too tired.  i bought yogurt which i am very excited about.

OH OH OH ALSO - i was browsing the fruit section trying to decide which kind of fruit to buy when i came upon the raspberries - 2 FOR $3.  UM, YES.  such a good deal.  normally they are like, 3.50 per container of raspberries.  so, i got 2.  and i ate half of it last night.  sooooo exciting and delicious.

i went to Rite Aid because they are usually the ones with my Tom's Orange Mango toothpaste.  but they didn't have it!  oh, i was upset by this.  i had to get peppermint.  the orange mango is the only toothpaste that does not burn my mouth like all the other toothpastes out there.  

i will have to go to the outlet when i am home the next time and stock up for realz.

i also bought more Burt's Bees shampoo at Rite Aid and was very excited to see that it came with a free lip gloss.  or, chap stick.  lip gloss is so much more appealing to say than chap stick.

then i came home and watched Away We Go.  aw, i really liked it.  i thought it was very sweet.  i was totally amazed by the dialogue in the beginning.  like, WOW.  it was so good i was in awe.  up until after they leave the parents house.  it's so good i couldn't believe it.  for serious.  it sounded soooo totally real.  

then i called my mom.  then i went to work.  

then, after being soooo tired and exhausted alll day - i finally woke up!  this was around 10pm.  which, is the usual time when i wake up.  i was kind of bummed though, because all day i had been thinking, "if i stay really tired like this, i'll be able to go to sleep early, so i'll sleep a lot and won't be tired for work tomorrow."  

yeah.....no.  that did not happen.  i didn't get to sleep until about 3:20am.  up at 4am.  slept from 5am to 7am.  up until 8am.  slept until 11:30.  hit snooze until 12:15.  got up.  talked to kara on the phone.  made coffee.  washed my hair.  got dressed.  grabbed a yogurt.  

OK.  things are starting to happen so i have to go.  i'll talk to you later, hopefully.  or, i'll be sleeping.  hopefully.  

nice talking to you all.  hope you are well and are having a great weekend!!!!!  

DAVID'S BIRTHDAY WAS YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!!!!  from all of us here at the blog.  we love you.  and i miss you.  we'll have to get together sooon!!!!!!

<3!

NON-PHONE BLOGGING!!!!

that's right! the internet is up and working again. i'm lounged on my couch, in my freezing living room, typing this. listening to baby lullabyes through the baby monitor. i've got 30-45 minutes before i have to be up and working again.

currently 12:30am. wednesday night/thursday morning.

last night i actually got a few hours of sleep while it was still dark out. i went to sleep after i posted that last entry. i think it was around 2:30am. woke up at 4am. went back to sleep at 5am. woke up at 7am. went back to sleep at 8am. slept until 1:30pm. that was nice.

i meant to go to the post office between the time i woke up and the time i had to start work. but i just didn't. i had cereal instead.

so, i was hanging around from 1:30-3:30pm. then went to work.

OH busy busy night. the mother of our two baby girls needed to go out for a few hours tonight, right in the middle of supper, bathtime, and bedtime. this meant that staff had to care for her babies.

i started feeding the 18 month old. she was eating some chicken noodle soup - mainly the noodles. she ate some at first, then she didn't want any more. but, she needed to eat more. so we played peek a boo for a while. then talked about the fish on her cup and what colors they were. and then i said, "okay, four more bites!" and i fed her. i think i actually got in like, probably 8 bites. she didn't even know.

then i cleaned up her tray and wiped her hands and face. then we went and sat in the living room. i sat down in the rocking chair and she brought over a book and said,

TODDLER: Here you go.
JULIE: Oh, thanks!
TODDLER: Sit on lap, please?
JULIE: Sure!

so, i brought her up to my lap and read her the book. once the book was over, she got down, went and got another book, "sit on lap, please?", and we read another book. this continued for about half an hour. we read a lot of books.

and then her 7 month old sister woke up and we decided it was bathtime. so, me and our intern brought them into the bathroom and gave them a bath. it was exciting. they had lots of toys. lots of rubber ducks. and they loved splashing. it was so cute.

then, we got their pjs on and went into the living room again. we turned off the lights and put on a Winnie the Pooh movie. (it's the one where Rabbit ruins Easter for Roo. but then something happens and they have a big happy easter egg hunt. i've seen it like, 8 times in the past week.)

so, i climbed into the recliner and the little girl stood in front of me. "sit on lap, please?" um, duh. so, i brought her up to sit on my lap and wrapped us in a blanket. and we cuddled until she was ready to be put in her crib.

it was awesome. she is such a sweetie.

but, it was a crazy night.

i came home at 10pm. by 10:13 i was back at work. until 11:20. then i came home again. quickly got into my pajamas. quickly made something to eat. by now it's midnight. then i got all ready. sat on my couch. watched an episode of Jonas and ate.

allllllll week without internet i have just wanted to watch Jonas. oh, so good. tonight Kevin, Joe and Nick auditioned to be in The Three Musketeers at their school. and they all got the parts because the drama teacher is the teacher who loves The Jonas Brothers. she's hilarious in the 'Detention' episode. but then Joe gets too nervous and can't perform UNTIL he realizes that his love interest in the play is the girl who he has a crush on in real life. then he runs to the stage during the performance and steals the kiss (on the cheek because it's Disney). it was cute.

best quote from the show:

KEVIN, JOE, NICK: All for one, and one for all!!!
KEVIN: And a leather pouch for my turkey leg!!

it makes no sense out of context, but i laughed really hard. it was a good episode.


so, LAST night (tuesday night) was also crazy. i worked until 10:30pm. came home. had to go back down to work at 10:45 and stayed there until 12:30. UGH. i was so tired and hungry.

then at 12:30 i started to do some things around the house that i needed to do. then i ate a bowl of cereal for supper. then i started phone-blogging and then i had to go back to work.

one more 3:30-10pm shift and then i have a day off. i'm not working friday between 8am and 10pm, so that makes me very happy. then i'm working both weekend days. yikes.

i can't wait to tell you all about our time in the hospital last weekend. i'm going to do a good update, i promise. i'm so happy i have internet back.

and i have to go to the post office. hopefully thursday afternoon before work i will have time.

after our next feeding i'm going to bed. he'll have to eat within the next 15 minutes because that will be 3 hours. hopefully i'll back back home by 2:15am. all ready and in bed by 2:45am. and then up again around 5:30am. or so.

i think i just heard a little whimper.

he's waking up for food. and i am sneezing and stuffy.

awww baby sneeze!

ok. i have to go. baby time. i'll talk to you all thursday sometime.

i'll try to get better about blogging during this new baby time. it's just that, sometimes i can't even find time to sit down and eat. i'll try harder. love you all.

goodnight!!!!


<3

BEST DECISION IN A LONG TIME::: setting up blogging from my phone.

i'm still not able to use the internet. I worked for a long time today with one of my coworkers trying to get it working. No luck. We're going to call the internet people wednesday afternoon. She said the tech guy installed a new internet router that is supposed to be super new and super fast. I'm worried that my little old wireless card just can't keep up.

and then if that's the case, do i spend money to get a new wireless card for my archaic, dying laptop?. I can't afford to have a monthly internet bill. I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

is that the saying?

anyways. Let me break down my tuesday for you::

WORKED - 13.75 hours
SLEPT - 5.5 hours
NON-WORK, NON-SLEEP - the rest of the day

i went to go soothe a crying 18 month old little girl tonight, and i walked into her room and she was standing up at the side of her crib with her pacifier in her mouth. I picked her up and rocked her while rubbing her back.

and then, her head was slowly moving to lay on my shoulder until she finally fell back to sleep.

um, it was the best thing to happen to me today. She is the cutest.

ok. It's currently 2:06 am wednesday morning. Just got back from a newborn feeding. I have to be back up by 4am. I'm typing this from bed.

hopefully my internet problemo will be solved later so i can do a real entry.

have a great day.

lovelovelove.

Hey friends.

still updating from the phone. Still no internet. I learned that a tech guy was here today working on the airport. So, i'm guessing that is causing my problem.

it says i'm connected to the internet, but it says 'acquiring network address' and it's been saying that for about 4 hours and not letting me get online.

i thought about going to panera to use the internet. But i really don't want to leave the house.

tomorrow is going to be a long day. Actually, the next three days are going to be long days.

i'm planning on being up most of the night again with the new baby. And then tomorrow we have staff meeting from 12:30 to 3:30 and then i'm working 3:30 to 10. Up all night again. Wednesday i'm again working 3:30 to 10. Up all night. Repeat for thursday.

friday off.

work schedule repeat for the weekend.

i have a feeling i'm going to get a "lack of sleep cold.". I hate those.

ok. I might tke a bath. Or a nap. Or both. But not at the same time.

i was looking forward to watching some JONAS today. Guess not.

lesson learned: never take the JoBros for granted.

ok. My cell reception has also been sucking today. And i think i'm getting a headache.

ok. Take care. Talk to you later.

<3

FYI:::

my internet is not working at the moment. This is me coming to you from my mobile. I am going to have a super lazy day where i don't get out of my sweatpants and watch Zac Efron movies.

last night was busy. It felt like i was getting up every 45 minutes with the new baby. Sometimes it was every 45 minutes. Mostly it was around every hour and 15 minutes. I finally got to sleep at 5am until 7 am. And then 8am to 2pm.

2:43 currently. I'm bummed my internet isn't working. The network i use isn't even showing up. So, i think it's a network problem and not my problem.

ok. I'm gonna probs make coffee and eat some cereal with vanilla soy milk. Delish.

have a great day!. Hopefully the internet will be fixed so i can give you a really big, long update with pictures and awesome stories.

take care loves!. Talk to you later!

<3,
J.