with 14 arms we'll execute the point

i have my music turned up really loud because i'm the only person in the house right now.

remember when i bought my new speakers? yeah, i like them.

so why am i alone, you ask? well, because there are no residents in the house. last night we had two, and now we temporarily have zero. and that means i'm alone in the big house.

Caretaker Julie. that's what i like to think.

anyways. i believe when i last talked to you i was super optimistic that my wednesday night at work would go well. ah yes, i fondly remember the time before my wednesday night at work.

actually, NO, i DON'T fondly remember that time because wednesday was a crap day. let me fill you in on what happened to my car....


I am sitting in the car place. My car is in the garage part for maybe like, ten minutes. Maybe not even ten minutes. I suppose just long enough for them to run the scan test which cost me $48.

CAR GUY: (comes out of the back room) Well, I don't have good news.
JULIE: Aw...
CAR GUY: Actually....I have very, very bad news.
JULIE: ....Ok....
CAR GUY: So, the car's not going to pass inspection...
JULIE: ....Ok....
CAR GUY: And it's going to be about $2,000 worth of work until it does pass.
JULIE: .....Umm......what?
CAR GUY: Yeah, the scan gave us a bunch of problem codes....some of them we don't even know what they are. You'd have to talk to the manufacturer. It's mainly the transmission.
JULIE: I need a new one...
CAR GUY: Yeah you do.
JULIE: (should i laugh or cry? laugh or cry? laugh or cry?)
CAR GUY: We can give you a 60-day inspection sticker, after you get two new tires and a new exhaust pipe.
JULIE: Is that what's making the car so loud?
CAR GUY: Yep. And wow, that right, front tire is bad. I'm surprised I can't see the metal! Must've been a fun winter!
JULIE: Haha... actually....not so much!
CAR GUY: Haha.
JULIE: So, how much would that be?
CAR GUY: The tires and the exhaust pipe would be probably around $300. For 60 days.
JULIE: Do you think that's worth it if I can't fix the transmission?
CAR GUY: Well.... no, probably not. This car is just going to turn into a money pit. We had one guy with almost the exact same problems as you, same car, and he just left it here - didn't even drive it away.


yep. basically, here's the abbreviated version:


JULIE: Hey! Here's $48, tell me something bad!
CAR GUY: Your car sucks!


so that's the car story. i need a new one. and pretty much like, right now. because i can't drive around with an loud, uninspected car for too long.

i feel bad, because now i kind of resent the car. much like with my old laptop. like, it would break and break and break and break - but it always came back! i could always fix it. and then there's that one time where it can't be fixed. and it dies. and you lose all your Phantom Planet concert photos on the hard drive. yeah, still mad about that.

was it last summer that i thought my cell phone, laptop and car would all die? The Summer of Three. was that what i called it? that's what i should have called it.

instead, last summer brought the death of my cell phone.
early winter brought the death of my laptop.
late winter brought the death of my car.

and i have absolutely no idea what i'm going to do about the car.

really, like no idea. drive it to the death, i guess. i mean, if i hadn't gone to the car appointment yesterday, then i wouldn't know about all the problems. and i would keep driving it.

today i actually looked at the inspection sticker from 2010 and thought, "hm, is there any way i could change the '2010' to '2011?'"

i don't think there is. i'm not Veronica Mars.

ANYWAYS. that's the first bad part of the day.

and then i was strangely optimistic about work that night. excited, even, to get downstairs. something to take my mind of the car thing, perhaps.

i walk downstairs and open the office door. the FIRST thing my boss says to me when i walk in:

MY BOSS: Good luck.

and that just brought it right back down. within five minutes of being there, i had to go upstairs and tell the residents to stop horsing around and please stop yelling.

it was all downhill from there.

ok, so you know how in some episodes of dramatic television shows, it will start out at the end and then work it's way back? like, at the horrible part where something has blown up, someone has died, something is on fire, etc. and then you'll see like, five minutes of that and then the screen will go black and it will say like, "14 hours earlier." and you will think, "wow, how the hell does it get to be that bad?!?!"

that's how the episode of wednesday night would start out. and it would start with me, sitting in the office. one of the girls sitting in the armchair screaming at me, and the other one standing in the doorway screaming at me. basically obscenity after obscenity after more obscenities. nothing that i can write here.

i don't think i have ever been more insulted in my whole life. and BOY, did i tell them that. well, i told one of them that.

she was standing there, screaming at the top of her lungs how horrible i was. how horrible it was here. how i didn't care about her, or anybody else one tiny bit. how i pretend like i care, but i really don't.

i mean, i'm dumbing it down here. it was BAD. and so finally i cut her off and basically said something like,

JULIE: Ok, STOP. I am so fed up with this right now and I'm so insulted that you would speak to me like that. I never speak to you like that, even when I'm as angry as I am right now. I'm also insulted that you think I don't care about any of this, when I've worked with you, and supported you for all these months! And if you listen to yourself, it doesn't make sense - because all you do is say that nobody cares about you and nobody supports you, but you don't let anybody support you! I tried to talk this over with you earlier and you didn't want to hear any of it.
RESIDENT: (swearing swearing swearing bad words very bad words swearing swearing)
JULIE: Ok, that's enough. I'm done talking about this.

and then i turned away and she stormed off into the living room. and that was just one of them. then i had to deal with the other.

it was bad. i think it was worse than the horrible night on monday, but only because i was alone. on monday night, i had two other staff there for most of the night to help deal with it. but last night i was allll alone.

i was on the phone with my boss like, every 20 minutes. oh, it was so bad.

the whole thing probably lasted about 2 hours. and then i was all shaken up. like after a car accident or something. and even when i was back at home, i couldn't even sit down. i was so wound up and so shaken.

and i couldn't fall asleep. and once i finally did fall asleep at like, 2:45am, i had to wake up at 6:15am and deal with part 2.

i really don't like being screamed at.

but, i think through the whole thing i pretty much kept calm. i was raising my voice towards the end.

and now! i'm alone in this house.

and my music is still really loud. and i'm making good use of the two washers and two dryers now that i'm alone.

so, today went completely different than expected.

i was supposed to be in the operating room during a c-section today. for the girl who was screaming her brains out at me last night. and after that was all over, i called the other birth coach and basically said, "look, things have totally blown up over here, i don't think i can go to the appointment tomorrow. i think me and resident one need some time away from each other."

and she understood. and took her to the appointment early in the morning. i was very thankful for this.

i called her about 1pm to see how things were going. she called me back about 2pm and asked if i wanted to come up around 3pm. everything went fine.

so, i got dressed and ready to go and went up to the hospital at 3pm.

BABY. tiny, tiny baby. omg. beautiful tiny baby. and i held him for like, three hours.

no, i'm not kidding. i stayed at the hospital for about 4 hours. and i was holding him for MOST of the time. and i changed his diaper!

i got there at 3pm, and he was about 4 hours old. that's the youngest baby i've ever held. can you imagine being 4 hours old??? having to realize that you have to cry when you're hungry or when you want your diaper changed? and it hurts newborn babies to cry. to have to open your eyes and look at stuff. be undressed and cold for the first time ever. to have to be passed from person to person and checked out by doctor after doctor.

and all for the first time ever. EVER! it's so crazy.

and i totally had a crush on the pediatrician that came in to 'inspect' him. he passed inspection, unlike my car. the pediatrician had curly black hair and a pretty full beard. loves it. and when i said that i was a staff member from Hannah House he said, "oh, that's great!"

yep.

anyways. so, i guess the day turned out alright because i got to hold a little, little baby. and all you can do when you hold a newborn baby is just look at them. and fix their little hat. and rub their soft little cheek.

it's weird too, looking at the baby. because i remember when you couldn't even tell that this resident was pregnant. and now today i was holding her baby.

and i also couldn't stop thinking, "i'm so sorry you had to hear all that last night!" poor little guy. already exposed to R rated language.

oh, but he was beautiful.


and then i drove my car home. it's not totally loud all the time. mainly just at slow speeds. too bad i hate driving fast.

anyways. i guess that's all. it's friday. i'm burnt. feeling very burnt.

and i better have A FREAKING AWESOME second half of the year. that is all i am going to say. because so far, this half isn't so great. and it's really starting to get to me.


alright. i hope everyone else had a good week. and i hope everyone has a good weekend. the Crash Kings Roadtrip Weekend is still up in the air.

but i really am going to think positive about that one. please everyone send positive Crash Kings vibes into the universe.

even if it's the trip that breaks my car. it will still be worth it.


love you.

<3